


Life is Short, Darling

by strid



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friendship, Gen, Guns, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Language, POV Alternating, POV Haruno Sakura, POV Uchiha Sasuke, POV Uzumaki Naruto, Past Abuse, Running Away, Team as Family, Theft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25771993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strid/pseuds/strid
Summary: Two runaways walk into a bar. One makes off with the other’s keys. It would’ve made for a spectacular joke had it not been for the third waiting in the truck.In which Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura are just looking for a better life. And then s*** hits the fan.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 16
Kudos: 39





	1. Run Away With Me

**Sakura**

The bar is crowded when she walks inside. She expects this, though — it’s the whole reason she decides to go in. What she isn’t expecting, however, is the foul smell that assaults her nose: a vague mixture of alcohol, body odor, and vomit. She has to try not to gag as the door bangs shut behind her, tells herself to just breathe through her mouth.

_Focus, Sakura, focus._

She stands on her tiptoes, peering over heads until she catches sight of a bathroom sign hanging in the far right corner of the room. _Bingo._

Keeping her head down and her hood up, she squeezes past the crush of sweaty bodies and towards the back of the bar. Her sneakers stick to the floor with every step, wayward elbows jab into her side, and she flinches as something wet starts spreading across the arm of her jacket. It’s a suffocating journey, and Sakura hardly feels like she’s even moving forward — minutes have passed, and still she’s inching past sticky, disgusting bodies. A vague claustrophobia begins to tighten around her throat, but she presses forward, intent on getting to the back of the room. _You can do it, Sakura. Just breathe._

Eventually, she falls out of the throng and into an open corridor. She looks up, wide eyed, and the bathroom is right there, right in front of her. She nearly sobs in relief as she reaches for the handle.

“Oi!” Alarm floods through her body and she whips her head to the side. A pretty brunette is standing against the wall, her face screwed up into a scowl as she points a finger over her shoulder. “There’s a line, pinky.”

Sakura stares at the brunette, her hand frozen in midair. Looking behind her, she can see now that there is, in fact, a line of people standing there, presumably all waiting to use the bathroom.

The girl crosses her arms over her chest, taps her foot against the floor. “Well?” she asks Sakura, annoyance dripping from every syllable. “Are you going to move or what?”

Shocked out of her stupor, Sakura pulls her hand back and shoves it deep into her pocket. “Sorry,” she mumbles. She puts her head down and hurries back past the girl, but not before hearing the brunette lob a _dumb bitch_ straight at her back.

Sakura only hunches her shoulders, tries to walk faster.

She thrusts herself back into the crowd of people. Pockets are bulging with wallets, phones, pocket knives. One man has a gun shoved into the back of his pants, his shirt lifting slightly to reveal the glinting metal. She looks around wildly, looking, looking until — _there_. Car keys, dangling precariously from the ripped back pocket of a pair of jeans, only a few bodies away.

Pressing to the right, she inches herself closer to the keys. She reaches her hand out slowly, _carefully_ , and then her fingers are brushing against the hard plastic and she’s grabbing them and _she has them_ , she has the keys and —

Someone pushes her from behind.

She lurches forward, the keys dropping to the floor, and falls straight into the man she’d just stolen them from.

Her arms hit hard muscle. She looks up to see a mess of blond hair turning, turning, until suddenly she’s staring at a pair of shockingly blue eyes.

“Woah, hey,” the blond grins down at her, twisting an arm around to help steady her. “You okay?” She gapes at him, her mouth opening and closing uselessly as her mind becomes horrifically blank. She doesn’t know what to do — should she be apologizing? Running away? _I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry —_

The blond looks at the ground suddenly, points at something near her foot. “Are those yours?” She follows his gaze down to the floor. The keys are lying mere centimeters from her shoe.

_Take them._

“Ye—yes!” she stammers, leaning down and quickly scooping them into her hand. “They absolutely are. Thank you.” She plasters a smile onto her face. Then she quickly turns and leaves, not waiting for the blond to reply.

Stumbling out of the bar, she gasps in as much gloriously sweet fresh air her lungs can hold. The night is cool against her clammy skin, and she takes a moment to just stand there, to breathe, to feel the adrenaline pulsing under her skin.

_You need to move._

She nods to herself, as if answering the small voice. She just stole a man’s keys — she can’t just stand here.

The parking lot is small, but every spot seems to be filled by a car. The keys are still crushed in her hand, the blade having left deep indents across her palm, but she pays that little mind as she moves to press fingers against the head of it, feeling for a button as her eyes canvass the parking lot and wait for the telltale flash of lights.

Her nails only scrape against hard, smooth plastic.

She looks down, realizes the key has no controls. “ _Shit._ ”

Glancing behind her to make sure the blond hasn’t emerged, she hurries across the parking lot. It’s an old set of keys — she just has to look for an old car.

Lucky for her, there’s exactly one old ass truck sitting at the far end of the parking lot. It’s an ugly teal color, the paint terribly chipped and a varied collection of dents adorning each side of it, but it’s by far the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. She runs up to the door, jabbing the key into the handle.

It unlocks.

A heavy sigh falls from her lips and she’s nearly laughing now, giddy as she opens the door and throws herself into the driver’s seat. She’s going to get away — _she’s going to get away_!

She puts the key into the ignition and the truck hums to life underneath her. Tears start welling in the corner of her eye, but she hastily wipes them away. This is no time to cry.

She looks up at the rearview mirror. It’s broken, a large crack spreading across the middle and an entire corner of it broken off. At the moment, she can only see the ceiling of the truck through it, so she reaches up and adjusts it slightly, tilting it down until the wide expanse of the back window appears.

A dark-haired boy is watching her through the glass, a single eyebrow raised. Sakura stares at him, blinking at his reflection stupidly.

She screams.

The boy’s other eyebrow lifts. Then he scowls, and now he’s jabbing a finger to the side and Sakura feels her heart _thud_ against her chest. The message is awfully clear: _get the fuck out of the truck._

Without being consciously aware of what she’s doing, Sakura shuts the truck off, takes the keys, and climbs out. She thinks she should run, maybe, but the person’s already seen her, so she readies an apology on her tongue instead, praying that he might be forgiving and not call the police on her.

The boy is sitting with his elbow propped against the side of the truck bed when she walks over. He says nothing, only stares at her, and Sakura feels the heat pool in her cheeks.

“I—I’m really sorry,” she stutters. Her eyes sting and she knows she’s about to cry. She’s always hated crying in front of people, but she can’t help but wonder if the boy might take more pity on her if she does. 

She sniffles, wipes at her nose with the back of her hand. “I di—didn’t mean —“

“ _Yo_ , Sa-su-ke!” She looks over, eyes wide, and sees the smiling blond from the bar making his way towards the truck. He’s cradling a large brown bag in his arms. “Kiba _hooked me up_ , you’re not going to believe —“ He catches sight of Sakura. “Oh, hey!” The bag jerks as he motions towards her. “What’s up?”

“You know her?” It’s the first time the dark-haired boy — _Sasuke_ — has spoken. His voice is low, smooth. It sends needles up Sakura’s spine.

“No — I mean, yeah, I just saw her inside.” The bag has started to tilt precariously to the side, but the blond doesn’t seem to notice. He gives her a wide smile. “What brings you to my truck?”

Yet again, her mind goes startlingly blank. _Well, see, I was actually trying to steal your truck, but I didn’t realize someone was there —_

“You dropped your keys, moron,” Sasuke drawls. Sakura nearly jumps at the sound of his voice, and she looks over to see his eyes boring into her. “She was just returning them.”

“I—oh shit.“ Sakura pulls her eyes away from Sasuke to see the blond craning his neck over his shoulder, evidently trying to catch sight of his pocket. He looks back at her and laughs. “Guess those were my keys you picked up, then.”

She’s staring at him, dumbfounded, as he starts walking towards the truck. He deposits the bag into the bed carelessly, the contents landing hard against the floor, before turning to Sakura and holding his hand out. She sees Sasuke move towards the bag from the corner of her eye.

Without really thinking, she drops the keys into his hand.

“Thanks!” he beams. He shoves them back into his ripped pocket. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I actually lost them.”

Sakura feels her face begin to burn again, and she turns her gaze towards the ground. “You’re welcome,” she mumbles.

“Yeah, I mean —“

“What the hell is this?” Sakura peeks up to see Sasuke rummaging through the bag, frowning at its contents. The blond looks over as well, and an overwhelming urge to run bursts through Sakura the moment both of them turn their attention away from her. But there’s precious little room for her to squeeze past the blond, and a wall is blocking her from behind. She’s trapped, absolutely trapped.

_But at least he doesn’t think you stole his keys._

The blond suddenly leans over the truck. The opening is a bit wider, now, but she still doesn’t think she can get past. _Shit, shit, shit..._

“Leftovers!” The blond pokes at the bag as Sasuke lifts up a tin, scrutinizing the contents inside. “I called Kiba earlier and asked him to put away anything people didn’t eat.”

“You —“ Sasuke’s staring at him, his eyes narrowed. “This was already served to people?”

The blond tilts his head to the side. “Yeah?” he says, seemingly confused by Sasuke’s issue with it. “That’s how I got it for free!”

Sasuke drops the tin back into the bag with a grimace. “Naruto.”

“What?” The blond — _Naruto_ — reaches into the bag and pulls out another tin, waving it in front of Sasuke. The contents bang hollowly against its sides. “It’s perfectly good food!”

Sasuke rubs a hand along his temple. “It’s disgusting,” he insists. “We can buy food that people haven’t already touched, you know.”

Naruto deposits the tin back into the bag, waving a hand at Sasuke dismissively. “I forgot, the princess is used to being _pampered_.” Sasuke levels a flat glare at him as Naruto turns back to Sakura. He gives her another blindingly bright grin. “You’d eat it, right, uh —“ he pauses, blinks at her. “I don’t think I got your name?”

Sakura shifts her weight from side to side. “Sakura,” she mumbles.

“Sakura?“ Naruto peers at her. Then his eyes grow wide. “Holy shit!” He jumps back, his hands in the air. “Sakura Haruno?”

She freezes. “Ye—yeah?” Sasuke is staring at them again, and she mindlessly starts twirling a strand of hair between her fingers, trying to dispel her nerves. _Do they know? Did my family already —_

Naruto throws his hands forward. “I knew you looked familiar!” He’s laughing now, a bright, carefree sound. “Shit, you probably don’t even remember me. We went to elementary school together!”

Her fingers halt as she looks at him, trying to place the face. Does she know a Naruto? She can’t remember. Her elementary school years are a blur, a terrible jumble of memories filled with cruel words and hours spent in the bathroom crying. But she doesn’t think she ever came across a smiling blond boy named Naruto.

Naruto shakes his head again, mystified. “Fuck, it’s been _ages_.” He crosses his arms over his chest and smiles. “What the hell are the odds, right?”

She only continues to stare. Maybe he’s confusing her with someone else? Is there another Sakura Haruno somewhere?

He points a thumb at her and looks back up at Sasuke, either ignoring her bewilderment or entirely unaware of it. “I had the _biggest_ crush on this girl, holy crap.” Naruto snickers. “Probably annoyed the ever living shit out of her. There was this one time — _oh fuck_ , I don’t think I’ve ever even apologized for this — we were in gym class playing dodgeball, and I absolutely _nailed her_ in the face. Fuck, I felt so bad!” He buries his head in his hands, laughing. “I left and hid in the bathroom for the rest of the day. I was sure you hated me.”

The memory comes back to her with startling clarity: a shiny, squeaky gym floor, kids running in every direction, a bright red ball hurtling straight towards her face. And a blond boy with bright blue eyes. _Naruto Uzumaki._

She gapes at him. “Holy shit,” she breathes. “ _Naruto_?”

He’s nodding at her, still smiling — _always_ smiling. “You remember me, right?”

Against her better judgement, Sakura feels herself returning the smile. “Yeah, I think I do. Konoha Elementary, right? It was, what?” She stares at a blank space over his shoulder. “Third grade? Fourth?”

“Third,” he confirms. “I was only there for half a year before I got bumped to another foster family.”

Sakura’s nodding, the memories coming back to her now. “You sat a few tables away from me, the one right next to the teacher.”

“ _Ugh_ , right,” he groans. “That _sucked_. It was all because I —“

“— kept playing video games under your desk.” Sakura finds herself laughing. “Iruka was _so mad_ —”

“You’re telling me, he gave me detention for a _week_ , I couldn’t —“

Sasuke clears his throat next to them. “You two done reminiscing?”

Sakura feels herself flush, but Naruto only brushes Sasuke off. “Don’t mind him,” he assures her. “He’s always in a bad mood.”

Sasuke says something under his breath, pushing the bag of leftovers away from him. “The plan was —“

“Fuck the plan. I’m talking to Sakura right now.” Sasuke turns, glares at her. She feels herself wilt under his scrutiny.

“If you need to go, that’s fine —“

“No, no!” Naruto holds out a hand. “It’s okay, really. There’s no schedule or anything, we’re just sort of...driving.” He bangs hard on the truck, giving Sasuke a look. “The bastard’s just being an asshole.” He turns back to Sakura and points at the bag. “You want some food or something? It’s evidently not up to the princess’s standards” — Sasuke kicks his foot against the side of the bed — “so there’s plenty to spare.”

Sakura shakes her head, starts nervously twisting the strand of hair between her fingers again. “It’s fine, really. I actually have to —“

Naruto’s eyes widen. “Oh shit, yeah, of course, you probably have places to be.” He reaches an arm up and scratches the back of his head, giving her an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that!” He moves to the side, then, making more room for her to scoot past.

The space is still terribly small, but she thinks it would be rude to ask him to just move entirely, so she tries her best to get through. Their chests brush as she presses herself between his body and the car parked next to his truck. Naruto looks up and away from her, clearly trying to ignore the awkward position he’d gotten them into, but soon she is _free_ , standing by the taillights of the truck and feeling considerably less cornered.

Nodding to herself, she straightens out her jacket. “Thanks.”

“I should be thanking you,” Naruto says. “For returning my keys, I mean.”

Sasuke’s staring at her again.

“Yeah.” She shoves her hands back into her pockets, tries to ignore the intensity of Sasuke’s gaze. “Totally. It was no problem.”

Naruto gives her another smile. “Well, it was nice seeing you again.”

“Yeah.” She begins to back up a few steps, starts twisting away from Naruto and Sasuke. “It was nice see —“ A familiar white sedan pulls into the far end of the parking lot. She freezes. “Oh, _shit_.”

The sedan creeps slowly through the line of cars, its headlights blinding. _Fuck, fuck —_ She looks back at the teal truck. Naruto’s still standing along the side of it, looking mildly concerned now. “Hey, are you —“

The sedan inches closer.

_Fuck it._

She sprints towards the truck bed and flips herself inside, pressing her body hard against the floor. A sharp pain spreads across her knee but she ignores it, instead trying to focus on controlling her erratic breathing. _They won’t find me,_ she assures herself quietly. _They can’t even know I’m here. I made sure of it._

“Uh.” She glances up, sees Sasuke watching her curiously while Naruto peers over at her from the side of the truck. “What are you doing?”

She shakes her head minutely. “Shh.” She holds a finger against her lips, tries to flatten herself further against the bed. “Pretend I’m not here.”

Both Naruto and Sasuke blink down at her, then look at each other.

“ _Please_ ,” Sakura begs. “It’ll only be for a few minutes, I swear. Just until that white car leaves.”

The boys continue to stare at each other, silent. Then Sasuke shrugs, pulls the bag of food back towards him. “Whatever,” he grumbles, reaching back inside.

Sakura breathes a sigh of relief, the vise around her lungs loosening. “Let me know when it passes,” she requests quietly. Sasuke doesn’t look at her, but he gives her a slight nod as he pulls out a tin. He scrunches his nose at it, but he pops the lid off nonetheless.

“Oi, bastard, don’t fucking hog it.” Naruto leans over and takes the bag from Sasuke, shoving his hand inside while ignoring Sakura completely.

Sasuke surreptitiously looks up towards the parking lot. “It’s passing now,” he whispers to her. Sakura feels her pulse quicken, feels her heartbeat pounding through her skull. She keeps her eyes glued to Sasuke, waiting for him to tell her that they’re gone. _They don’t know I’m here, they don’t know I’m here, they don’t know I’m here —_

Sasuke stiffens. “Shit.”

Her throat constricts painfully. “What, what’s happening —“

“Hey,” a trilling female voice calls out. Sakura chokes on her own breath. _Shit._

The truck bed groans as Sasuke shifts over. She sees Naruto raise a hand over his head. A greeting.

“Hey.” Naruto sounds friendly enough. “What can I do for you guys?”

“Have you seen a young girl around here? Pink hair, green eyes, probably wearing a gray jacket?”

Sakura presses her arms tighter against her torso. The zipper digs painfully into her stomach.

Naruto _hums_ , considering. “Can’t say I have.” He taps the side of the truck. “Have you?”

He must have been asking Sasuke, because she watches the boy shake his head. The tin of food is lying next to him, forgotten.

“Nope, sorry.” She imagines Naruto’s smiling at them. “We haven’t seen anyone like that.”

“Let me give you my number. Give me a call if you see her, alright?”

She listens as Naruto walks over to the car, the gravel crunching under his feet. Sasuke’s gaze is locked straight ahead, likely watching the exchange, but he moves his foot out towards her. She’s not sure if he does it subconsciously, if he’s only trying to get comfortable, but she reaches out a hand nonetheless, taps a finger against the thin fabric along the side of his shoe. _I’m okay._

“You folks have a good night, now,” Naruto says. She doesn’t hear the reply — all she can hear is the glorious sound of the car pulling away.

Sasuke’s eyes follow the car intently. It feels like an eternity passes before he nods down at her. “They parked. They’re going into the bar.”

 _Fuck._ Sakura puts her face in her hands, tries to hold back the sob that is struggling to rip free from her mouth. _You’re okay, Sakura. You’re okay._ She doesn’t move.

Something bangs against the side of the truck. “Who was that?” Naruto asks.

It had been a female voice that she’d heard — her aunt, most likely. But Naruto had addressed multiple people, so she wasn’t alone. The men of her family probably wouldn’t let her go out to look for Sakura by herself, probably all piled right into the car with her.

And, of course, _he_ would be there, too. There was no doubt.

“Probably my aunt,” Sakura whispers. “My dad and my brother.”

“Did you run away?” Naruto asks the question so carefully. It makes her fold in on herself further, makes her wish that she could just disappear. 

“Yes,” she breathes, a simple, broken word. Her palms are wet from the tears, and she feels herself beginning to shake. The realization is acute.

She’s stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck, and they are going to find her.

She doesn’t have a backup plan, hadn’t thought she needed one. The _car_ was the plan, her ticket out of town. She’d fucked it up with Naruto and Sasuke, and now that her family was in the bar, asking about her, she could hardly go back inside to try again.

The sob escapes.

“Hey, hey.” A strong hand lands on her shoulder, squeezes it comfortingly. “It’s okay, Sakura, it’s okay.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not,” she snivels. “None of it’s” — she hiccups — “okay.” She curls herself into a tight ball. “They’re going” — a hiccup — “they’re going to — to —“ Her breathing is ragged, and she has to stop to gasp in a large lungful of air.

“Shh,” Naruto soothes, rubbing her shoulder. “Just take a deep breath. It’s going to be fine, I promise.” A second passes. “Where do you need to go?”

The truck bed groans. “Naruto —“

“Sasuke.” A tense silence descends on them. Sakura keeps her head down, feels her eyes burning. “It’s fine,” she hears Naruto insist quietly. “We have plenty of room for a third.”

She tenses as she waits for Sasuke to argue. _They don’t want to have to deal with you, Sakura,_ she tells herself. _You’re only going to be a burden._

Sasuke stays quiet.

“So, what do you say?” Sakura spreads her fingers apart and glances up. Naruto’s looking down at her, his blue eyes glittering. “Name a place, and I’ll bring you there.”

Her eyes flit over to Sasuke. She thinks he’ll look angry, will be glaring down at her and scowling. But his face is perfectly stoic as he watches her; she can’t tell what he’s thinking in the slightest.

_Don’t bother them, Sakura._

Sasuke’s eyes lift towards the parking lot. “They’re leaving now.”

A firm terror grips her insides, twisting them maliciously, and she looks back over at Naruto. He’s still staring at her, evidently not concerned by the occupants of the car, and she can’t help but feel mildly comforted by his gaze.

_“Name a place, and I’ll bring you there.”_

“Anywhere?” she asks quietly. “You’ll take me anywhere?”

Naruto nods. “Anywhere.”

Sakura rubs a thumb over her knuckles and looks away. It’s stupid, she knows. Sasuke’s a stranger, and she only went to school with Naruto for a few months. She doesn’t know these people — they could be psychotic madmen, hiding out in parking lots and waiting for dumb little girls like her to walk right up to them so that they could do something absolutely awful.

But she doesn’t have any other options, not really.

Sasuke’s voice slithers in between her thoughts. “They’re gone.”

Sakura nods, her face rubbing against the cold metal. She doesn’t get up though — she feels safer down here, safer than she’s felt in months.

_You’re being stupid, Sakura. Go home._

Her eyes move back up to consider Naruto. “I just need to get out of here,” she says in a small, shaky voice. “I don’t care where.”

_You’re only going to be a burden._

Naruto gives her shoulder one last squeeze before pulling his hand away. “Well, then,” he gives her a smile, “let’s get moving.”


	2. Breakfast and a Gun

**Sasuke**

Sasuke meets Naruto for the first time at exactly 2:18 AM on a freezing Wednesday morning. The only reason he knows this is because he’s looking at his phone, staring at the glaring white digits just as the _7_ turns into an _8_ , when the moron almost hits him with his truck.

Logically, Sasuke can admit that it might’ve, sort of, _partially_ been his own fault. He had his headphones in, and he might not have explicitly looked both ways before crossing the street. He also maybe didn’t bother using the crosswalk, because it’s all the way at the end of the block, and he might not have been wearing the _brightest_ of clothing (black. He’s wearing black). But Naruto’s still the one driving. And so Sasuke is inclined to place most of the blame on the idiot for almost killing him.

When he informs Naruto of this, however, it’s to find that the idiot doesn’t agree with his assessment in the slightest.

“How the fuck is this my fault!?” the moron screeches out his window. “You’re the asshole walking in the middle of the road, wearing _black_ , at two in the fucking morning!”

Sasuke glances back down at his phone. _2:22._ “Do you have to be so fucking loud?” he asks. “This is a residential area. People are trying to sleep.”

“People are trying —” Naruto splutters. “ _What_?”

Sasuke rolls his eyes. “Listen,” he says, slipping the phone back into his jacket pocket. “Don’t worry about it. You didn’t actually hit me, so I’m not going to sue you or anything —”

“ _Sue_ me!?” Naruto gapes at him. “For _what_!? This is _literally_ your fault —”

“I just said I _wasn’t_ going to sue you, moron. Pay attention.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe _I’m_ going to sue _you_! What do you think about that, you fucking dick?”

Sasuke makes a face. “You’re going to sue _me_?” he repeats, because it’s such a stupid fucking response that Sasuke can barely even believe Naruto actually said it. “For what?”

Naruto flails, gesticulating wildly out the driver-side window. “For being an _asshole_!”

A pause. They stare at each other for a moment, Naruto absolutely fuming in his truck and Sasuke still in the middle of the street. And then Sasuke turns on his heel and starts to walk away. Because he has better things to do than argue with a moron, especially if he’s not suing him anyway.

“Where the hell are you going!?” Naruto’s truck jerks forward, starts creeping alongside him. “I’m not done talking to you, you piece of fucking shit —”

“Hey!” A loud voice sounds from across the street. Sasuke stops walking just as the truck brakes hard beside him. He peers to his right, sees a shadowed figure standing in a doorway awash with light. “Do you know what time it is?” the person yells. “People are trying to sleep! I have half a mind to call the police —”

Naruto’s truck speeds off just as Sasuke sprints across the road, launching himself over the side of a fence and scraping the ever living hell out of his palms in the process.

And that, in theory, should have been that.

But it isn’t, because Sasuke meets Naruto a second time a week later at 3:02 AM, give or take a few minutes. He doesn’t know the actual time, in all honesty, because he’s not exactly looking at his phone while he runs for his fucking life, but it _feels_ like it might’ve been around 3:02 in the morning, so he’s going to go with that.

When Naruto almost hits him this time, it is, without a doubt, entirely Sasuke’s fault. He can admit that, because he’s the one that jumps directly in front of the moron’s truck.

In his defense, though, Sasuke doesn’t _know_ it’s Naruto’s truck when he decides to hurl himself in front of it. Because, really, he’s willing to throw himself in front of _any_ car at this point. The road he’s on is poorly traveled, both by pedestrians and vehicles, so he’s mostly just hoping that he’ll luck out and some poor fuck will drive by him so he can hijack their car. And the fact that that poor fuck happens to be Naruto isn’t explicitly his fault, because it really could’ve been anyone. So, if you think about it, Naruto really has no one to blame but himself for all this.

...anyway.

Tires _squeal_ against pavement. The vehicle stops a mere inch away from Sasuke’s body, obviously hitting the invisible force field he had miraculously summoned with his hands (because, really, why he held his arms out as if that would somehow _stop_ the truck from flattening him, he isn’t completely sure). Sasuke’s breathing hard as he squints into the headlights, his lungs absolutely burning.

And then he hears a very familiar, awfully annoying voice.

“Woah, what the fuck are you —” Naruto stops. “Holy _crap_ , are you that same dickhead from last week?”

Sasuke doesn’t have time to waste on a proper retort, so he ignores Naruto entirely in favor of racing over to the passenger side of his truck. 

“Wait, wait, what the hell are you —” Sasuke nearly tears the door off its hinges in his haste to get it open, and he’s still gasping for air when he flings himself inside. His hands are shaking badly from the adrenaline — it takes him an embarrassing number of tries to actually get a grip on the door to slam it shut behind him.

 _Breathe, Uchiha. Bre —_ He jerks to the side, then, his shoulder banging hard against the door as something slams against him.

“What the _fuck_!?” Naruto yells, shoving at him again. “Get the fuck out of my truck, you psychopath!”

His arm doesn’t feel entirely attached to his body as he elbows Naruto in the face, his skin numb and tingling. His chest is vibrating with energy, and he feels completely detached from himself as he lifts his shirt to reveal the gun tucked into the waistband of his jeans.

“ _Drive_ ,” he orders.

Naruto grips at his face, curses under his breath. He looks over and glares at Sasuke, but his expression dissolves into one of pure shock when he lays eyes on the gun. He freezes.

 _Good,_ Sasuke thinks, glancing out the back window of the truck. _Now I just need to —_

And that’s when Naruto punches Sasuke dead in the face.

“ _Fucking piece of shit_ ,” Sasuke yells, reaching up to cradle his now possibly broken nose. Blood pours into his palm. “The fuck did you do that for?!”

“What!?” Naruto gawks at him. “You got into _my_ truck, asshole!” he cries. “And threatened me with a fucking gun!”

“I didn’t _threaten_ you,” Sasuke argues, his voice muffled by the hand he’s holding in front of it. He tastes copper on his lips, and a groan escapes from the back of his throat as he leans over on the bench. “Fucking hell.”

“Hey, hey, don’t bleed all over my floor! Holy shit.”

“ _You_ punched _me_!” Sasuke snarls. “I’ll bleed wherever the fuck I want.”

Naruto’s jaw drops even farther. “ _After_ you got in my truck and threatened me —”

“I didn’t _threaten_ you.”

“So, what, you were just showing me your gun for _fun_?”

Sasuke glares at Naruto. “Are you always this fucking annoying?”

Naruto scoffs at him. “At least I don’t jump into stranger’s cars and threaten them!”

“I didn’t —”

_BANG BANG BANG_

Every muscle in Sasuke’s body tenses at the sound; Naruto, for his part, actually ducks down into his seat, twisting away from Sasuke instinctively. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck —”

Sasuke pays Naruto no mind as he twists around to look out the back window of the truck, every cell in his body bristling — those gunshots had sounded terribly, terribly close.

Thirty-two painful seconds pass. Sasuke knows this because he keeps track of every single one that ticks by. But then he loses count because he feels Naruto start to shift on the bench beside him, the idiot evidently realizing that he isn’t, in fact, in any immediate danger. Naruto’s voice is trembling when he speaks. “What —”

“Shut up,” Sasuke snarls, his eyes still trained on the road. He narrows his gaze, looking for even a hint of movement...

Three figures round the corner.

_Shit._

“Drive,” he says.

Exactly ten seconds go by. The truck doesn’t move.

_Fucking hell._

Sasuke turns back to Naruto, but Naruto isn’t even looking at him — he’s gazing at the road, his mouth half open and his brow furrowed as he stares at the people running straight towards them.

Cursing under his breath, Sasuke shoves Naruto. The idiot’s body bounces right off the driver’s door, but Naruto doesn’t even seem to register the assault, the moron just turning his perplexed gaze onto Sasuke. His mouth opens and closes a few times, the dumbass seemingly not able to grasp the gravity of the situation he now finds himself in.

“I don’t —”

“ _We need to go,_ ” Sasuke yells, grabbing at the steering wheel as if he might somehow be able to drive the truck from the passenger seat. “ _Fucking snap out of it and_ —”

More gunshots ring out behind them, and even Sasuke finds himself ducking this time.

“Holy shit.” Naruto looks over at the wheel, then back up at Sasuke. He doesn’t move to grab hold of it. “Holy _shit_.”

Sasuke glances back out the rear window. He feels his eyes widen when he realizes the bastards have almost reached the car.

He turns back to Naruto, desperate now. “ _Fucking drive, you fucking idiot_ —” Clammy hands slide around his own as Naruto grasps clumsily at the wheel, the truck jerking forward as the idiot slams his foot against the gas pedal. Sasuke’s back lands hard against the seat, his hands wrenching out from underneath Naruto’s at the force of it.

“I’m going, I’m going! Holy _fucking shit what the fuck_ —”

Naruto ends up driving them all the way to the outskirts of the city. They mostly drive in silence, Sasuke breaking it every few miles to tell Naruto that he can stop the truck now. Naruto pointedly ignores him, though, refusing to stop until there’s not even a hint of civilization around them. Which Sasuke doesn’t think is a particularly smart choice, given the fact that he has a gun and had used it to threaten Naruto only a short while ago. Not that he intends to hurt Naruto or anything at this point, but he just thinks it’s important to point out that Naruto is making it _very_ easy for Sasuke to murder him if Sasuke felt so inclined to do so. Which he doesn’t.

...but he _could_.

Naruto finally pulls the truck off on the side of a long, deserted road. He puts it in park and shuts the engine off entirely before resting his forehead against the wheel. “What the _fuck_ ,” he eventually breathes.

Sasuke, for his part, realizes that now is maybe the time to start trying to comfort Naruto. Naruto is obviously the sort of person that isn’t used to getting shot at (as if that’s an entirely normal thing for a person to be used to), and Sasuke understands that it’s probably not in either of their best interests for Naruto to have a full blown mental breakdown right now. So Sasuke reaches out a hand, places it lightly on Naruto’s shoulder, and reveals to Naruto the piece of information that’s probably bothering him most about this whole situation.

“You know I still have a gun, right?”

Naruto doesn’t appreciate hearing that at all.

“Get out of my truck,” he groans. “I don’t want to know who the fuck you are, or what the fuck you did. Just please get out before I call the cops —”

Sasuke gives the idiot a few lackluster pats on the back before pulling out his phone and checking the time.

3:06 AM

He frowns. It feels later than that, if he’s being honest. Maybe more of a 4:30-ish?

“— seriously, what type of fucking lunatic does something like this? Like what in the _actual fuck_ is wrong with you —”

“There’s no service out here,” Sasuke tells him. Naruto stops, his blue eyes wide as he stares at him.

“What?”

Sasuke takes a breath, tries not to roll his eyes. “You can’t call the cops,” he explains, ever so patiently, “because there’s no phone service here. You drove too far out.”

“I —” Naruto frowns. Reaching a shaky hand into his pocket, Naruto pulls out his own phone. The glow of the screen lights up his entire face as he stares down at it.

A solid minute passes in silence (or it feels like a solid minute, at least. It might’ve been only forty or fifty seconds, in all actuality. Maybe thirty? He isn’t counting this time, so he’s not entirely sure). It’s almost disconcerting how quiet Naruto is, though, and Sasuke is just about to ask if the moron forgot how to speak when Naruto twists his phone around, showing Sasuke the screen.

“Hey,” Naruto says. “Did you know there’s no service out here?”

Sasuke blinks against the sudden brightness now blinding him. He reaches out an arm and pushes Naruto’s hand away. “First of all,” he grinds out, “why the fuck is the brightness on your phone so high? Lower it for fuck’s sake, it’s the middle of the fucking night.”

The space around him darkens. He can’t be sure because there are ink-black splotches exploding across his vision now, but he thinks Naruto is staring down at his phone again. The screen brightness doesn’t change.

Sasuke wipes a hand over his face, cringing as his fingers brush over crusted blood. He sighs, digs his knuckles hard into the corners of his abused eyes. “Second of all, I know — I told _you_ about the service, idiot. Or could your pea-sized brain not comprehend that?” He means to ask the last question as sarcastically as possible, but Naruto doesn’t even react to his very intentional rudeness.

Naruto looks up at Sasuke instead, his eyes still wide. “There’s no service out here,” he repeats.

Sasuke scowls. “No,” he says. “There isn’t.”

Naruto nods, takes a breath. “And you have a gun.”

Sasuke rolls his eyes. “No shit, dumbass.”

And that’s when Naruto punches him in the face for the second time.

“ _Damn it_! Would you fucking stop _doing_ that —” A door creaks open and Sasuke looks up to see Naruto scrambling to get out of the truck. And then Naruto is sprinting down the road.

He sits still, watching Naruto tear down the street as fast as he possibly can. Then he glances over at the dash.

The keys are still in the ignition.

Sasuke sighs. He presses the sleeve of his jacket under his bloody nose as he shifts over to the driver’s seat. He turns the truck back on.

Sasuke follows Naruto for a good fourteen miles. Naruto keeps a pretty good pace for the first leg, but then he eventually slows, his legs starting to drag. He stays at a jog, which then devolves into a walk, and then he eventually keels over on the side of the road, falling to the ground with a hand pressed to his side as he gasps for breath.

The sun is starting to rise when Sasuke gets out of the truck and walks over to him. Naruto’s shoulders jerk up hard when Sasuke drops the keys onto his stomach.

“Come on, get up.” He nudges Naruto with the toe of his shoe, wiping at the blood still on his face. “I need a ride back into town.”

Then he turns around, gets into the passenger seat of the truck. And he waits.

The ride back is about as silent as the drive out was. Which gives Sasuke plenty of time to maybe start feeling _mildly_ bad about the whole situation, except he doesn’t, because he’s absolutely sure that none of it is his own fault. It’s Naruto’s. Definitely.

They reach the edge of town and Naruto slows the truck to a stop, pulling off to the side and letting a silver sedan drive by them. Sasuke is staring resolutely out the window, contemplating how he isn’t really to blame for any of this, when he hears a dull _crack_ next to him, followed by a groan.

He looks over, an eyebrow raised, to see Naruto arching back against his seat, elbows locked and arms stretched taught against the wheel. The idiot cranes his neck to the side then, letting out a contented sigh as it _pops_.

Naruto must feel Sasuke staring at him, because he glances over at him just as he slumps down in one single, fluid motion. A sheepish smile creeps across his face.

“Sorry,” he apologizes.

Sasuke just grunts. He looks back out the window, waits for Naruto to start driving again.

The truck doesn’t move.

He hears the idiot start drumming his fingers against the wheel. “Uh.” Sasuke looks back at him, frowning. “Where did you, uh, need me to drop you off?”

 _...oh. Yeah._ Sasuke leans down, tries to get a look at the street sign on the corner. He purses his lips when he catches sight of the name.

 _Good enough._ “Here’s fine,” Sasuke says, reaching for the handle and pushing the door open. “Thanks for the ride.”

He’s about to swing his legs over the side of the bench and jump down to the ground, but Naruto’s voice stops him. “Hey, wait, wait —” 

It’s an effort not to scowl at Naruto. “What?” Sasuke sighs, because it’s been quite a long night and he’d very much like to go home now.

Naruto stares at him, his blue eyes almost comically wide. Then he sticks a hand out towards him. “Naruto.”

Sasuke blinks, regards the outstretched limb skeptically. “What?” he repeats.

Naruto shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “My name?” he says, hesitant. “It’s Naruto.”

A beat passes between them as Sasuke tries to reconcile what’s happening now with the events that had taken place only hours before. Because, seriously — who the fuck introduces themselves to the person who had kind of, sort of, _maybe_ threatened them with a gun and tried to steal their car?

Eventually, though, he clasps Naruto’s hand. “Sasuke.”

Naruto pumps their hands once, twice, and then he lets go, returning his hand back to the steering wheel. He purses his lips, drums another uneven melody on the ripped leather with his fingers.

Sasuke waits a moment, but Naruto doesn’t move to speak again. And so he twists on the bench and moves to get out of the truck, because he really does have better things to do with his time.

But then Naruto starts talking again.

“I’m kind of hungry,” the idiot says suddenly. He glances back at Sasuke, points vaguely down the road. “There’s a pretty decent diner not too far from here.”

Sasuke takes a breath and peers at Naruto. “You know I _still_ have a gun, right?” he asks.

Naruto doesn’t seem particularly perturbed by that fact anymore. “Yeah, well.” He shrugs, doesn’t bother finishing the thought. Sasuke just stares back at him, because he’s not entirely convinced that Naruto isn’t experiencing some sort of mental break. 

Then he pulls out his phone and checks the time.

7:45 AM

“I have school,” he says.

Naruto shrugs again. “So do I.”

The diner is decently busy when they get there. Naruto goes inside and orders for them, mostly because Sasuke doesn’t particularly want to parade his bloody face around the general public. The moron leaves his keys in the truck when he goes inside, though, and Sasuke isn’t completely sure whether it’s a sign of trust or just proof of Naruto’s stupidity.

Naruto comes out of the diner fifteen minutes later with one large, paper bag, throwing it into the bed of the truck before hoisting himself in after it. His footsteps groan against the metal frame as he walks over and slaps his hand against the hood of the vehicle, motioning for Sasuke to get out and join him.

When Sasuke walks around to the back, Naruto is already seated, his legs sprawled in front of him as he rifles through the bag.

“I hope you like pancakes,” Naruto says, pulling out a tin and holding it towards him.

Sasuke swings himself onto the bed. “Not particularly,” he admits, but he grabs the tin and pops it open anyway.

“Well, too bad, ‘cause I only got pancakes.”

Sasuke looks over at the large bag. “Seriously?”

“ _Yes_ , seriously.” Naruto grabs his own container, flicking the lid off and snatching the pancake on top. He folds it in half before taking an abnormally large bite out of it. “What kind of person doesn’t like pancakes, anyway?” Naruto asks, his mouth full.

Sasuke shrugs. He rips a piece of the cake off with his fingers and pops it into his mouth.

He can’t stop himself from making a face at the flavor. “Is there chocolate in this?” he asks, squinting down at the container.

Naruto glances over at him, his cheeks still bulging. “Yeah?” he says. “They’re chocolate chip.”

Sasuke swallows, scrapes his tongue hard against his teeth to rid himself of the taste. “That’s disgusting.”

“What!?” Naruto waves a hand at him, the pancake he’s holding flopping with the motion. “How the hell do you not like chocolate? Everyone likes chocolate!”

“I don’t.”

“Yeah, well.” Naruto rolls his eyes, shoves the rest of the pancake into his mouth. “You’re just weird, then.”

“ _I’m_ weird?” Sasuke repeats, incredulous. “Says the moron that invited his carjacker out for breakfast.”

“A _shitty_ carjacker,” Naruto mumbles under his breath.

Sasuke tears off another piece of pancake. “Fuck you,” he says. There’s no real malice behind the words, though, because even he can admit that his attempted carjacking was absolutely pitiful. “Still scared the shit out of you.”

Naruto scowls. “I wasn’t scared.”

“You seemed pretty scared when you were running.”

“Well, I wasn’t.”

Sasuke scoffs. _Yeah, sure._

They sit in silence, then, Naruto gobbling down the rest of his breakfast while Sasuke idly picks at his. And despite the downright obnoxious sounds Naruto makes while he’s eating and the mildly gross food choice, Sasuke finds that he’s actually... _enjoying_ himself. It’s relatively peaceful, all things considered — Naruto doesn’t ask him questions, doesn’t demand to know what type of shit Sasuke is involved in. He lets it be, whether for his own sake or Sasuke’s, he’s not particularly sure. But Sasuke’s grateful for it, nonetheless, grateful that he can take an hour and pretend he’s just a normal high school student skipping class to eat breakfast at a shitty diner.

It doesn’t last, of course, because they eventually finish their food and Sasuke remembers that he still has blood on his face and a gun in his pants. So he thanks Naruto for the pancakes and the ride and gets out of the truck, pulling out his phone as he walks away. He’ll call his brother to pick him up, or Shisui, maybe. Really, he just wants a ride from someone that isn’t a bright ball of sunshine who has no fucking concept of what type of person they’re helping.

“Hey, wait up!” Naruto jogs to catch up to him, slaps a hand on his back. “Here,” he holds out a hand. “Give me your phone for a second.”

Sasuke scowls at him. “What? No.”

Naruto rolls his eyes. “C’mon, I’m not going to _steal_ it. You have a gun, remember?” He gives Sasuke a wide grin. “I just want to put my number in. You know, in case you wind up being chased by more gun-wielding maniacs and need a ride.”

Sasuke hesitates, but he relinquishes his phone. It takes Naruto only a few jabs at the screen to add his contact information, and when Naruto returns the device to Sasuke, he sees that Naruto has already sent himself a text.

“So I have your number, too,” he explains, as if the reasoning isn’t already obvious. “In case I want to spend another night fearing for my life.”

Then Naruto gets in his truck and drives off, and Sasuke walks away. And that should’ve been the end of it.

Except it isn’t. Really, it just gets far more convoluted from this point forward. Which Sasuke adamantly insists is in no way, shape, or form, his fault. Because it’s not — not even kind of.

...or at least that’s what he tells himself.


	3. Karmic Retribution

**Naruto**

Why Naruto keeps insisting on getting involved with people who try and steal his truck, he isn’t sure. Because, really, if there’s a subset of people Naruto shouldn’t want to get involved with, it’s people who go out of their way to steal the singular object in his life that he actually gives a fuck about.

It’s a character flaw, most definitely. Like, who the fuck — no, no, really, who _the fuck_ — sees someone trying to steal their truck and goes, _hey, that looks like a person I wanna hang out with_? Apparently Naruto. And it’s not even like it’s only happened, like, once or twice. If that were the case, then this wouldn’t really be that much of a problem. An exception, as they say, as opposed to a rule.

Admittedly, the bastard and Sakura would've been two really weird exceptions, though. Sasuke he can sort of, maybe explain away with the whole _dude had a gun and I was afraid for my fucking life_ part. Anyone could see that Naruto wasn’t thinking clearly at the time — because, again, who _the fuck_ decides to willingly hang out with someone like that? — and Naruto’s quite comfortable with blaming it on the fear and adrenaline caused by almost getting carjacked and or shot. Plus, he was pretty fucking starving after the whole debacle. Near death experiences (and also running for your fucking life) do that to a person. And, like, fine, maybe he didn’t really have a good excuse for calling Sasuke to hang out a week later; he can’t blame that particular logic on having any extraordinary, _holy fuck I almost died_ type of experience. And he certainly didn’t have an excuse for why he called the bastard a few days after _that_ , either. Or, you know, a few days after that...

Whatever. Shut up.

But Sakura? Well, Sakura makes a bit more sense — she’s your standard damsel in distress, after all! How could he _not_ help her? Like, yeah, she’d tried to steal his truck, but it seemed like she probably had a good reason for it...

...or a decent reason, at least...

...okay, maybe just _a_ reason. She had _a_ reason for trying to steal his truck. But it's fine! Totally fine. Naruto’s willing to forgive her for it, either way, and that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she’s, like, cute as fuck. Nothing to do with it. At all.

...well, okay, that might be a small part of it. But whatever! It's not as if she _actually_ stole his truck — she probably didn’t even get it started, because Naruto’s new friend (who still had his fucking gun, thank you very much) insisted on waiting in the aforementioned truck while Naruto ran inside to get their food. Which kind of validates this whole _befriending people who try and steal your truck_ thing he’s got going on. Because — and he cannot stress this enough — it’s like...a _thing_. That he _does_. A lot.

So Sasuke and Sakura? Definitely not the first. The first was actually his current best friend, who he found sitting in his truck after a homecoming game a few years back. The guy was trying to get it started, and he probably would have if he wasn’t drunk off his ass. As it stood, he could barely get the keys into the ignition, which felt like an incredible stroke of luck at the time. Especially given how the night had been going up until that point. Because the homecoming game was, and Naruto is not at all exaggerating, a suck-ass experience all around. Their team fucking lost to _Suna_ of all goddamn places — fuck that place and their scary ass motherfucking quarterback — and Naruto was pissed and his entire body ached after getting tackled, like, fifty million times in a row, and he really, _really_ just wanted to go home so he could not study for that test Hatake was giving them the next day (like, seriously, what sort of _psychopath_ gave a fucking _test_ the day after homecoming?! It was like he wanted them all to fail).

But, whatever, that isn’t the important part. The important part is that he was walking out of the school, yeah? Carrying his bag under his arm (because the strap broke, like, right before he left the locker room), and then stopping in the lobby because he thought he lost his keys for, like, a few seconds there before he remembered that he stashed them under the seat of his truck, and then finally making his way out to the parking lot because he was fucking ready to get the fuck out of there.

But then? Well, then Naruto sees someone in his fucking truck. And so he’s standing there, watching this dude curse up a fucking storm because he can’t get the key into the ignition, and Naruto’s like, _of course. Why wouldn’t this happen tonight?_

It ended up being fine, because it’s not like he didn’t know the guy that had decided to try and steal his truck. Or, well, he didn’t _not_ know the guy; he’d seen him maybe once or twice in the hallway, and occasionally outside of school when he saw him walking his giant ass dog around the neighborhood. Naruto was pretty sure he was, like, a year or two older than him. Maybe. He definitely never talked to him before, though. Or knew his name. But it was fine, because Naruto kind of knew who he was and it wasn’t like he was doing a good job of stealing Naruto’s truck, anyway.

Also, he was drunk. Terribly, _embarrassingly_ drunk, and Naruto highly doubted he was going to remember anything at all from that night. Which kind of made his whole _I should not only try and steal a car, but definitely drive it_ thing all the more concerning. And so there was a point when Naruto was, like, _huh, I probably shouldn’t leave this guy to his own inebriated devices_. Just in case he tried to steal another car, or maybe ended up remembering he drove himself to the game and actually got behind the wheel and killed himself and or someone else in the process. So Naruto, good citizen that he is, decided that he was most definitely going to play designated driver and take this guy home.

That would’ve been the end of it, Naruto thinks, had the dumbass not passed out sometime between Naruto pushing him (gently — sort of?) into the passenger seat and then settling his own ass in the driver’s seat. Because Naruto, despite not _not_ knowing the guy, still had no idea where he fucking lived. And since Naruto was trying to be, like, responsible and shit, he decided to bring the guy back to his apartment to sleep off the copious amount of alcohol he’d evidently consumed. Because, like, responsibility or something.

The guy’s name ended up being Kiba. He was very, _very_ hungover when he woke up, and he had no recollection of trying to steal Naruto’s truck. Ironically, he only lived, like, a block or two away from Naruto’s apartment, which was great, because Naruto wasn’t at all looking forward to Kiba throwing up in his truck when he drove him home that morning. Which, in hindsight, would’ve just been a drop in the bucket given how many times Kiba has thrown up in Naruto’s truck since their friendship began. But, like, Naruto didn’t exactly know that at that point, so he was counting himself lucky.

That was the first. Happened like a month after Naruto got the truck. The second incident happened maybe, like, a week or two after that, and was how he’d met his first semi-serious girlfriend. He says semi-serious because, in his opinion, it was getting pretty serious (they did date, for like, a whole ass month after all, and Naruto definitely took it upon himself to assume they were exclusive at that point). And, like, should he have probably held the fact that he’d met her seconds before she was about to chuck a rock through his window against her? Probably. But, hey, she was kind of cute and definitely hitting on him after he’d caught her. So, like, why not?

(In hindsight, there were plenty of reasons why not. Not all of which were related to the fact that she ended up dumping his ass for her drug dealer, but some of which definitely were. Like, six of them. At least.)

So, yeah. Best friend. First semi-serious girlfriend. Sasuke. Sakura. There was also the lady at the gas station who ended up fixing the locks in his apartment for him, and that guy at that party who swore he thought he was getting into _his_ truck and then ended up tutoring Naruto in math, and then that snot nosed kid who was barely old enough to leave the house by himself, let alone get behind the wheel of a car, but who turned out to have a fantastic affinity for pranks...

Cleary, it’s a trend. He’s sure that his mother — had he known her, that is, and had she known him beyond, like, however long it took her to give birth to him and then, like, dump him at a fire station — would be very concerned by it. These aren’t exactly stand up citizens he’s associating with, after all. Not that Naruto is a stand up citizen himself, but he’d like to think his mother would’ve wanted him to at least _surround_ himself with stand up citizens. Because she loved him or some shit like that.

...ahem. Anyway. What he’s getting at is that this is an undoubtedly concerning habit he’s developed. That’s the point.

Though — and wait, wait, hear him out — what’s probably more concerning is the fact that people keep trying to steal his truck in the first place. Like, sure, he doesn’t live in the _best_ neighborhood, and he maybe sort of isn’t always vigilant about where he puts his keys, but _come on_ , how can any one person almost get their truck stolen so many times? Fuck. It’s like the truck has a giant, neon sign above it that says _steal me!!_ or something. 

And it’s not even like it’s a nice truck! It’s a piece of fucking shit — that’s why Naruto got it in the first place. It sucked, and was kind of awful, and that’s probably why the previous owner was only selling it for, like, a few thousand dollars. Not that Naruto could even afford that at the time. Fuck, he was a teenager with a shitty minimum wage job and no savings to speak of. Buying a truck — even one as shitty as this one — wasn’t in the realm of possibility. Which was why he didn’t really...uh...

...well.

You know.

Buy it?

...yeah, _yeah_ okay — but in his defense, though, the truck is quite literally _beyond_ shitty. Like there’s bad, there’s terrible, there’s shitty, and then there’s this fucking truck. And it had been sitting on this person’s curb for, like, a month with a _for sale_ sign in the back window, so clearly no one wanted to buy it. And the person was probably getting super sick of having it in their front yard, so really, Naruto was doing them a favor by taking it. Not that he really knew how the person felt about the truck. But he figured it was a safe bet that they wanted him to have it, because, like, why else would they leave the keys _right there_ underneath the seat?! It was a sign. Clearly. This person — or maybe even the universe at large — wanted him to have this truck.

...fine, so maybe the whole _everyone trying to steal his truck_ thing is some kind of karmic retribution or something. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. All that matters is that people keep trying to steal Naruto’s truck, and then he decides to befriend them. Which is admittedly odd. Right?

Not that Sasuke and Sakura aren’t great — eh, well. Sakura’s great. Sasuke’s an asshole. A total, unadulterated asshole, who definitely has way more quirks and oddities than Naruto was ever prepared to deal with when they decided to go on this little excursion.

Trip.

Adventure?

Getaway.

...whatever. It’s all the bastard’s fault, either way.

“I’m leaving,” Sasuke said suddenly during the tenth or eleventh time they decided to hang out (no, Naruto wasn’t keeping count). They were back at the diner, eating pancakes again, and the situation was already kind of weird to begin with because _Sasuke_ called _Naruto_ , which was a first, but his face was also, like, completely beat to shit. Like, popped blood vessel, black eyes, bruised jaw, swollen lip type of beat to shit. And not that part of Naruto didn’t sort of enjoy seeing the bastard ugly for once — he has a feeling Sasuke is one of those guys who _knows_ how good looking he is, and fuck if that isn’t annoying as shit — but it was also, like, really fucking alarming? Especially since Sasuke sort of really wasn’t addressing it, even after Naruto catcalled him and said that Sasuke was looking _especially pretty today_.

(Was it a bad joke? Yes. Did it help the situation at all? No. But the bastard really didn’t have to punch Naruto in the arm _that_ hard because of it, either.)

So, they were at the diner, sitting in the bed of Naruto’s truck eating pancakes, when Sasuke dropped that weird bomb on him. _I’m leaving._ And Naruto didn’t really know what to say to that, exactly, so he shoved another pancake in his mouth and grunted, “Yeah? Parents moving or something?”

Which was the wrong fucking thing to say, apparently, because Sasuke made this weird huffing noise in the back of his throat and then said, “No, moron. My parents are dead.”

And, like. _Fuck_ if Naruto knew that.

So he just sort of awkwardly sat there, eating his pancakes, because if Naruto didn’t really know what to say to _I’m leaving_ , then he had _no_ fucking idea what to say to _my parents are dead_.

He started talking again, anyway. “Like, recently, or...?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “No, idiot. They’ve been dead for years.”

And, like, the asshole said it like it should be fucking obvious or something, even though it fucking _wasn’t_. But Naruto was also trying to be, like, considerate and shit, so he dropped it and said, very smartly, “Oh. That’s good.”

Sasuke glared at him.

“Not that your parents being dead is, uh, _good_ , I mean. Uh. Just that it didn’t. You know. Happen, like, yesterday, or something.” Smart.

The asshole didn’t agree, evidently. “You’re a fucking moron, you know that?”

And see, Naruto knew that he may have maybe, technically been the one in the wrong, but he also didn’t fancy being insulted. “Shut up, asshole. You’re the one acting fucking weird, being like _I’m leaving_ —” cue Naruto’s very accurate imitation of Sasuke’s voice “— and shit. The fuck does that even mean?”

Sasuke didn’t actually answer. Just picked at his pancakes without actually eating them. And, like, whatever, if the bastard didn’t want to tell him, then fine. See if Naruto fucking cared.

“Where you gonna go?” Naruto asked around a mouthful of pancake a few seconds later. Not that he cared. At all.

Sasuke just shrugged.

And, well, Naruto couldn’t just leave it at _that_. Sure, he didn’t really know much about the guy beyond the fact that he was very willing to steal someone’s truck (though, in his defense, he was trying not to get shot at the time). But, like. He seemed okay. Kind of.

“Well. If you need a ride there, let me know,” Naruto offered. Because he’s just that kind of guy.

He wished he wasn’t that kind of guy a few weeks later when the bastard actually took him up on the offer, though. That kind of sucked, if Naruto was being honest.

“What the _fuck_?” Naruto squawked on one clear, beautiful night, throwing open his door before Sasuke literally knocked it the fuck down.

The bastard, gentleman that he is, didn’t say shit to that. He just barreled straight into Naruto’s apartment and slammed the door shut behind him. And, like, Naruto was totally going to complain about how fucking rude that was — he was, he fucking swears he was — but then he realized the asshole was holding a gun, and he was doing this admittedly semi-cool thing where he leaned against the wall with it held down towards the ground like he was in some fucking action movie or something. Which was concerning, undoubtedly, because Naruto was very much not prepared to be the costar in some fucking action movie or something.

Naruto balked. “What are you —”

“Shut the fuck up,” Sasuke growled, his ear pressed against the door.

“You shut the fuck up,” Naruto grumbled automatically. And then he walked over to his kitchen to make some coffee or some shit because that seemed like something an awesome guy in the opening scene of an action movie would do. Mr. Cool, Calm, and Collected. The audience would get a fucking kick out of it. He even decided to drink it black, which was, like, _doubly_ badass, and had nothing to do with the fact that he maybe just didn’t have any milk in the fridge.

The bastard didn’t look all that impressed with Naruto’s machismo when he joined him in the kitchen a few minutes later. But the dude was also shoving a fucking gun in the waistband of his jeans, and Naruto wasn’t delusional enough to think that his cup of 10:30 PM coffee really compared to that. Which would maybe make him feel a little emasculated, but then he figured that maybe the bastard just needed a gun to make sure the audience _knew_ he was dangerous. But Naruto? Naruto didn’t need a gun. He just needed to look like a badass while he drank his fucking cup of coffee.

“So,” Naruto started, really jiving with this _tough guy_ persona he’d projected onto himself. “Who’s trying to kill you this time?”

Sasuke evidently didn’t get the memo about this being a super-awesome-action-movie-in-the-works, though, because he wasted no time just jumping right into things. No exposition, no nothing. Which Naruto didn’t think the audience would really appreciate because that’s, like, confusing as fuck. Like, at least give them some fucking backstory or something to work with. Some sort of _context_. God, it was like the bastard had never seen a movie before.

But maybe he did get the memo, because he crossed his arms like a badass motherfucker in an action movie ready to fuck some shit up, and Naruto started to think that, maybe he’s just one of those guys that doesn’t really give a shit about plot.

“I need your truck,” Sasuke said, as if that explained fucking anything. 

Naruto crossed his arms back at Sasuke. “The hell do you need my truck for?” he said, and he definitely sounded very _confident_ and _cool_ when he said it.

Not that Sasuke seemed to notice. “Because I’m leaving.”

See? The guy’s fucking terrible at exposition.

So Naruto, badass that he is, just stared at Sasuke as he tried to choke down another sip of his coffee. A dramatic pause, as they say. Which Sasuke didn’t appreciate in the slightest.

“ _Fucking hell_ ,” Sasuke snarled, throwing his hands up in the air. “I don’t have fucking time for this. Where are your keys?”

“My _keys_?” Naruto repeated, and, like, yeah, that sounded dumb as shit, but he wasn’t the fucking screenwriter. Fuck.

“ _Yes_ , you fucking idiot,” Sasuke growled, already in the process of upending Naruto’s entire fucking apartment to find said keys. “You’re _goddamn, fucking_ keys, which you use to drive that fucking monstrosity parked outside.”

Naruto’s eyes widened. And he kind of forgot that he was supposed to be all cool and shit for a second, because he definitely didn’t look cool at all when he nearly spilled his coffee in his haste to put it down. “Woah, wait, wait — you’re not seriously here to take my fucking truck, are you?”

Sasuke looked at him like he was fucking stupid. “You said I could have a ride.”

Naruto’s jaw nearly hit the ground. “I meant that _I_ could give you a ride. Not that you could have my fucking truck!”

“Are you fucking kidding?” Sasuke said, as if Naruto might have actually, really been fucking kidding.

“No!”

“ _Fucking_ —” Sasuke wiped his hand down his face, glancing over at the door as if this was the part of the movie where the bad guys barged in and nearly killed them both.

Naruto tried not to seem too relieved when no one actually came through it. Sasuke, meanwhile, just seemed to get more irritated, if how thoroughly he was cursing Naruto out under his breath was anything to go by. “Okay, fuck, fuck, _shit_ —”

And then a helpful little voice in the back of Naruto’s head reminded him that, hey, this was a guy who had definitely tried to steal his truck before, and, hey, maybe this was actually the scene in the movie where Sasuke proved he was really _bad_ and _terrible_ and shot Naruto right there in his fucking apartment.

Then the bastard held out his hands, sans gun, and Naruto felt confident enough to reach back for his cup of coffee. “What if I paid you for it?” Sasuke suddenly offered. “I’ll send over some money once I get settled, and you can buy a new fucking car —”

“Where?” Naruto found himself asking.

It was Sasuke’s turn to stare. “ _Fucking_ — what?”

“Where are you going?”

It took Sasuke a second, and then he threw his hands in the air like Naruto had just asked him what sound giraffes make or something. “I don’t fucking know!”

“Okay. Well.” Naruto pulled his keys out of his pocket, because he fell asleep in his fucking jeans and forgot to put them on the coffee table. ‘Cause he’s fucking smart like that. “We’ll figure it out while we drive.”

And Sasuke didn’t actually argue. At least not right away. No, he saved all of his bitching for when they were a few miles out of town and he asked (yelled at) Naruto to pull over.

“Do you have a map?” Sasuke muttered, looking around the truck. And that was, like, so fucking stupid, because of course Naruto didn’t have a fucking map.

“Of course I don’t have a fucking map. I have a _phone_.”

Sasuke gave him that _you’re a fucking idiot_ look, which Naruto really didn’t fucking appreciate. “Yeah?”

Naruto stared at him. “Uh. Yeah?”

“Okay,” Sasuke said, leaning back against the seat. “Check your fucking phone, then.”

Naruto rolled his eyes and reached for his pockets. “ _Check your fucking phone, then,_ ” he grumbled under his breath. “As if I don’t fucking...” Naruto patted his front pockets. Then his back pockets. Then his front pockets again.

“Hey, bastard,” Naruto said, keeping his voice very calm because he was not at all about to panic. “Where’s my fucking phone?”

“You should really keep better track of your shit,” Sasuke informed him. “It’s like taking candy from a fucking baby, honestly.”

Naruto balked. “...what?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I took it before we left your apartment.”

Naruto was pretty sure he looked absolutely gobsmacked. Because he was, you know, absolutely fucking gobsmacked. 

“ _What_ —” he spluttered. Sasuke only raised an eyebrow, and that pissed Naruto off enough to get his brain back to, like, semi-functioning order.

He shoved his open hand towards Sasuke. “Give it back!” Naruto demanded.

“I can’t.”

“Why the fuck not?!” And, like, Naruto might’ve sounded the teensiest bit hysterical at that point, but that was only because he was starting to get a teensy bit hysterical.

“I don’t have it.”

“ _You don’t_ — where the fuck is it, then?!”

Sasuke made a face. “I threw it out the window. You literally saw me fucking do it.”

And, fuck Naruto sideways if he didn’t remember seeing the asshole throw something out of the truck a few miles back. “I thought that was _your_ shit you were getting rid of, you fucking asshole!” Naruto slammed his hands against the wheel. “What the fuck!?”

Sasuke shrugged again, because that was evidently as apologetic as he was willing to be over breaking Naruto’s _very expensive fucking phone_. “I couldn’t risk it.”

“ _You couldn’t fucking risk what_ —”

“Listen,” Sasuke said, neatly cutting Naruto off. “You’re the one that wanted to come. I was going to do this by myself.”

Naruto gaped. “You’re not seriously trying to say that it’s _my_ fault that _you_ threw my phone out, are you?”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed. “Well, it’s not my fucking fault.”

Naruto might as well have been in an action movie at that moment, because he reached over and nearly throttled Sasuke right there in the truck.

But he wasn’t in an action movie, clearly, because then he got an elbow in the face and it, like, really, _really_ fucking hurt. And Naruto didn’t feel like a badass at all.

“Fuck, fuck, _okay_!” Naruto yelled, pushing Sasuke off him. “Fuck.”

Sasuke rubbed at his jaw and gave Naruto one last, lackluster kick before moving back to the passenger side of the bench. They sat in some very uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, each taking stock of their new injuries. The audience would be fucking howling, Naruto was sure.

“So,” the-number-one-asshole-of-the-year eventually grumbled. “No map?”

“ _No_ ,” Naruto snapped.

Sasuke sighed. “Okay. New fucking plan.”

Naruto side-eyed him. “You had a fucking plan?”

“Yeah, I had a _fucking_ plan, and it didn’t involve your dumbass,” Sasuke hissed.

Naruto raised an eyebrow as something very _smart_ and _clever_ occurred to him. “So then why didn’t _you_ bring a fucking map, genius?”

 _And_...cue laughter.

Sasuke stared at him. “Shut the fuck up,” he eventually muttered. “ _New fucking plan_ : we drive a few towns over, stop for a fucking map, and then figure out where the hell we’re going. That fucking work for you?”

“No,” Naruto answered easily.

Sasuke threw his hands up. “Why the fuck not?”

“ _Because_ ,” Naruto said, putting the truck in drive and pulling back out onto the road. “I’m fucking hungry. We’re stopping for food first.”

“We don’t have _time to fucking_ —”

“Hey! Calm the fuck down. My friend Kiba works at a bar near the community college. It’s, like, thirty minutes away, and there’s a gas station a few blocks over from it. We’ll kill two birds with one stone.”

Sasuke, bless his putrid, decaying soul, just sat back and cursed Naruto out.

And that’s what happened. Then came the bar, and Sakura. The rest naturally follows.

So, boom.

There’s your fucking exposition.


End file.
